January 23, 2008

To the man who sold me his tv/vcr combo

Dear Sir-

I will keep your name anonymous so as not to embarass you and your girlfriend, but you know who you are. You live in a very confusing apartment complex on the fourth floor that is really the third floor.

When I saw your post, I was super excited, because I have been looking for just the right television for my bedroom, something small, cable ready, that comes with a remote. Your 9 inch Symphonic TV/VCR combo was perfect. To my delight, it was still available when I e-mailed you. You even agreed to let me pick it up a couple days later, rather than selling it to the first person that could get there like some jerk faces on craigslist.

Traffic was awful that Friday night, but I really wanted this TV and $20 was too good of a deal to pass up just because of a long drive and a few cars. When I finally got to your apartment complex I really had a hard time because I forgot the directions once I got in your area, and had to have my cousin check my e-mail for the apartment number. I had a difficult time finding the actual building, subsequently driving and walking around to all the buildings looking for the right one. Finally, I found it!

I was buzzed in and walked up three amazingly short flights of stairs to the fourth (third) floor, down the hallway, to the apartment on the right, whose door was slightly ajar. I knocked. A woman's voice (you told me you wouldn't be there, but your girlfriend would) said to come in. Ignoring all scary movie plots playing in my head, I pushed the door open and said hello to the cat. Your girlfriend, yelled from what I assumed was a bedroom that she didn't know I was going to be so late and she had just gotten out of the shower. I apologized that traffic was bad, and wondered if SHE had ever seen scary movies because you're not supposed to yell to the stranger you've not even seen yet that you just got out of the shower. What happened next made me stumble backward a little and I didn't know where to look. Your girlfriend came out of wherever wrapped in a little handtowel. Not literally, of course, but the towel was awfully small and it's all she was wearing. Seriously? Where did you find her? I'm concerned for her safety, and with the cold weather, her health. She should bundle up. She did manage, though, to be quite polite and hold a conversation about....well, I don't know what it was about, I was trying to think of ways not to be uncomfortable with this new naked stranger and trying to think of where I should be looking. So I grabbed the TV and its bag of goodies (thanks for finding the remote, by the way, I didn't want to buy one) which included the remote, the plug, the car lighter adapter, and tv antenna. I handed Naked Girlfriend your $20 and drove home, giddy about my new tv/vcr combo! It's been years since I watched My Best Friend's Wedding, I was starting to go through withdrawal.

My plans were many over the weekend and so I did not get around to setting the TV up until last night. I dusted my dresser off, moved some stuff around and plugged in my nice new tv. It was really loud. Not the volume, the VCR. I thought that was weird for a VCR to be so loud, so I pressed the Eject button and out popped a video! I was hoping for Old School, or perhaps even an Adam Sandler movie. Instead, out came Blue Jean Blondes #5. Sadly, I have not seen Blue Jean Blondes 1, 2, 3, or 4, so I feel watching this one out of sequence would ruin the plot line for me.

The reason I'm writing is, I wanted to know if you want it back. Is it a favorite? Can you not watch 6, 7 or 8 now? Is that where you met Naked Girl, on the set of Blue Jean Blondes #5?

Please get back to me as soon as possible, as I can't have explicit film hanging out at my house willy nilly. I would sell it on craigslist, but....that just feels weird. Perhaps I'll give it away at the next white elephant gift party I attend if I don't hear from you.

Warmest regards,
The girl who loves your old TV