September 27, 2011

refresh

I feel like blowing the dust off the old blog! Clearly I've not been here in a while and I can't offer much of any new explanation. I got busy. Like boyfriend, new job, crises, travel, kind of busy. The kind of busy where for the past seven months all my laundry has not been done at the same time, there were always at least two loads that needed tending. That, my friends, is unusual for me, because y'all know I love a good to-do-list, my favorite part is the crossing off! But, girlfriend, I was SWAMPED. Swamped enough to add a syllable. SUH-WAMPED. Not that life is slowing down at all, but I find myself, today especially, in need of an outlet. And I must be coming out of some kind of rut/mood/swamp state-of-mind, too, because all of a sudden my laundry is done, my basement is on its way to being clean and organized, and I'm purging all the crud from my life!
I'm pretty sure my home office looked like this before this weekend. I would know for sure, but I would always shut my eyes when I walked past! I've only seen this show a couple times, by the way, because it makes me itch. So, because I feel like I'm purging my to-do-list, I figure I should probably purge the past six months as well. Around March, shortly before my last post, I started to feel really exposed. My mom had been diagnosed with uteran cancer, and that kind of thing is really hard to keep quiet and private. Mostly because she told everyone, which is of course her right, but I bet the cashier at the grocery store will never again ask the question, "Hi, how are you today?" again. I had to take time from work, which necessitated sharing with work folks, and I told my sorority sisters, and other folks by way of explanation as to why I was taking a step back from my involvement in things. I had just started dating my boyfriend about a month before and so I had to tell him because it meant a lot more of my attention was focused elsewhere. I'm not a private person and I wear my heart on my sleeve, so for me to feel exposed is a big deal. Suddenly it felt like everyone knew everything about my life and felt free to speculate and add opinions. And so I hid. I hid in small ways and managed to find some old bricks to build up my keep-people-at-a-distance walls. Bricks that were previously pulverized but panic and back-peddling make amazing superglue.